Dear dumb guy: What’s the origin of the phrase “swizzle stick”? - Imbibing in Ithaca

Dear Ithaca: Sounds like somebody’s getting their dranky drank on! Pour me one, would you?

The Swizzle Stick was invented in 1880 by Dr. Hereford Schtupp-Oxcart von Swizzle, a Dutch botanist who studied the growth of mold on oranges and fruit flies. Not only was he a fine scientist, he was a fine mixologist, credited with inventing (among other things) the Uneven Bars, a drink made largely from leftover mixers that nobody wanted, and the Helga-Put-The-Hurt, a monstrosity built upon vodka, gin and prune juice that will make you hate your own life.

Anyway, the story goes that he made a pitcher of Helga-Put-The-Hurts (or would that be Helgas-Put-The-Hurt? I dunno) for some friends one night, a batch that was so bad it ate through the wooden spoon he used to stir it. He quickly fashioned a longish piece of metal from his lab and used it to stir the thick, gloppy stuff, and the swizzle stick was born. Along with countless upset stomachs.